Some say we store precious memories in a little Silver Box in our hearts. These are filled with good memories of people, places or things that shape our lives and predispose us to look upon anything new with skepticism. Over time and without meaning to do so, we embellish their worth until they take on mythical proportions appearing as a mirage of perfection that never actually existed. If we let them, these memories become incomparable, irreplaceable and invaluable thereby creating a barrier to finding real peace and joy in the here and now.
The memories of PEOPLE we place in the Silver Box are complicated by our desire to make them immortal. It is here their character is without equal, their love boundless and their flaws nonexistent. In our hearts, they become the most understanding, selfless and generous individuals to ever walk the earth. And while none of them were perfect if we told the truth, within the confines of the Silver Box we can say without equivocation the world is a better place for their having been in it. And maybe it is.
It is difficult to admit the people you love are human beings full of frailties. Within the Silver Box, undesirable qualities are shed without compunction and swept under the rug never to be seen again. Ask yourself how this person would really want to be remembered. Free them and yourself from the Silver Box by cherishing their virtues with the genuine devotion they inspired in you.
How often has a PLACE been a source of disappointment once revisited? Perhaps the Silver Box holds memories of your favorite vacation spot, college campus or Grandma’s house – just to name a few. The problem is places change (as well they should) but for some reason we expect them to be frozen in time since we last saw them.
A perfect example of this is visiting the hometown you just couldn’t wait to leave. When you return, you might be disappointed to see the high school has given way to a shopping mall. Maybe downtown is a pedestrian area full of sidewalk cafes and antique shops where once little mom and pop businesses thrived. Or sadly, a beloved restaurant has closed because the owner’s children had no desire to continue the tradition once they passed on. You cling to the memory of what was and slam the Silver Box shut vowing never to return.
But don’t do that. Go with fresh eyes. Replace skepticism with curiosity. If the beautiful old bank building was converted to condos, go in the lobby and check it out. Ask someone for the best restaurant in town and enjoy a good meal. Drive by your old haunts and see what’s there. It just may surprise you. Release this place from the Silver Box and appreciate what it has become. You may still leave unconvinced it is better, but at least you won’t be tied to its past or yours.
From time to time a new THING comes our way. Rather than enjoying the new thing, we open the Silver Box and take out an old thing for comparison. We hold the new thing up to the light, turn it over upside down and sideways only to come to the conclusion that the new thing is not worthy of a place in the Silver Box. We carefully return the old thing to its rightful place and begin to rationalize why it belongs there. Maybe the new thing is too shiny and therefore lacking the patina of the old thing. Maybe the edges are a little too sharp since its predecessor is worn smooth by constant handling. We rationalize the new thing should be disregarded since it can never measure up. We ignore the possibility that the new thing has a value all its own and could be a vast improvement over the old thing.
Maybe we are forced to get a new thing because the old one is lost, broken or just not made anymore. While I am the first to admit many new things don’t last as long as they used to, there are plenty of new things far better than the old. Take the typewriter and the computer, for example. We used to write letters with typewriters and carbon paper. With a computer, we electronically transmit in nanoseconds and don’t get carbon paper all over our hands. You can’t tell me that’s not a good new thing. I, for one, do not miss the typewriter – although I do point to them and laugh when I see them in the antique store. You’d never find a typewriter in the Silver Box of my heart.
So what should you do when confronted with something new or different? First of all, take a deep breath. Don’t rush to judgement by comparing it to someone, somewhere or something from the past. Despite what you may tell yourself, the past was NOT perfect. Try to remember a future of great love and adventure is predicated on your ability to enjoy what is in front of you today with both your heart and mind open. Meet new people, go to new places and for goodness sake, try new things. Chuck that Silver Box off the nearest cliff and get on with your life. Believe me, it’s the best move you’ll ever make.
